What's New, Pussycat?

What's New, Pussycat? (Quoi de neuf, Pussycat? in French) is a 1965 screwball comedy film about a playboy who refuses to give up his hedonistic lifestyle to settle down and marry his true love and seeks help from a demented psychoanalyst who is having romantic problems of his own.
 * Directed by Clive Donner. Written by Woody Allen.

How You Cats Will Laugh when you see the answer to the comedy question of the year!

Fritz Fassbender

 * I've hated you from the first moment I married you!
 * You are a monster and a monster, in that order.
 * Silence when you're shouting at me!
 * You'll like this group analysis, it's a real freak show. If it gets dull, we sing songs.
 * My wife, the creature that ate Europe, is here.

Michael James

 * Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!
 * Look, I know you'll think this is crazy, but, er, when the light hits me from a certain direction, I'm... handsome.
 * I'll be back tomorrow. If I'm not back tomorrow, send for the police. If they're not back tomorrow, send my clothes.

Victor Skapopulis

 * We played strip chess. She had me down to my shorts and I fainted from tension.
 * I just burnt my finger! I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream. I'll be out in a minute.

Dialogue

 * Fritz Fassbender: You're grotesque!
 * Anna Fassbender: Lascivious adulterer!
 * Fritz Fassbender: Don't you dare call me that again until I have looked it up! [looks in dictionary] "Lascivious adulterer... a man who is a lascivious adulterer"? What kind of book is this?


 * Anna Fassbender: Is she prettier than me?
 * Fritz Fassbender: Is she prettier than you? I'm prettier than you!


 * Michael: Did you get a job?
 * Victor: Yes, I got something at the strip-tease. I help the girls dress and undress.
 * Michael: Nice job.
 * Victor: Twenty francs a week.
 * Michael: Not very much.
 * Victor: It's all I could afford.


 * Liz Bien: You're right. I must face my problems. I can't go through life being a semi-virgin.
 * Michael James: What, in the name of all that is gracious, is a semi-virgin?
 * Liz Bien: Here, I'm a virgin. In America, I'm not.
 * Michael James: What do they do? Stamp it on your passport?


 * Fritz Fassbender: My father, the most beloved gynecologist in Vienna, before they took him away on a morals charge for indecent exposure at the State Opera House, said, and I quote: "Please do not take me away, I will not do it again."
 * Victor Skakapopulis: Brilliant quote.
 * Fritz Fassbender: He was a brilliant pervert.


 * Michael James: Could you tell me about your typical clientele?
 * Etienne: My typical clientele?
 * Michael James: Typical.
 * Etienne: All the people who are here now are typical clientele.
 * Michael James: Really?
 * Etienne: There is a man cheating on his wife in room Lola Montez. There is a woman cheating on her two husbands in Carlotta. Two lovers of indeterminate sex in Reine Margot. And two men cheating in Don Juan.
 * Michael James: Yes. Well, one might say the joint is jumping.


 * Fritz Fassbender: I, uh, decided to follow you here.
 * Michael James: If you followed me here, how did you contrive to be here before me?
 * Fritz Fassbender: I followed you... very fast.

Cast

 * Peter Sellers - Dr. Fritz Fassbender
 * Peter O'Toole - Michael James
 * Woody Allen - Victor Skapopulis
 * Romy Schneider - Carole
 * Capucine - Renée
 * Ursula Andress - Rita
 * Paula Prentiss - Liz