Will & Grace (season 11)


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Will & Grace (1998-2006, 2017-2020) is a popular U.S. TV series. The main characters are: Will Truman, a gay attorney; his best friend, Grace Adler, a straight Jewish woman who runs her own interior design firm; Karen Walker, a very rich, alcoholic socialite; and Jack McFarland, an effeminate gay struggling actor. The show takes place in New York City.

Eat, Pray, Love, Phone, Sex [11.01]

 * Will: Oh, Karen, hi. Sorry, I must have butt-dialed.
 * Karen: Is there anything you people's butts can't do?
 * Will: So far, I've yet to be disappointed.


 * Karen: Silence! I need everyone's attention, because I've got big boobs... I mean, big news... but then again, look at 'em!

Pappa Mia [11.02]

 * Jack: [about Will & McCoy's baby] Wow, lucky kid - having two dads, just like Jesus.
 * Will: And she'll have a Mary right across the hall.
 * Jack: This one ain't a virgin.


 * Jack: I used to love watching the guys play basketball in high school, especially when it was skirts and skins.
 * Will: You mean shirts and skins.
 * Jack: [pause] No wonder I got beat up so much.

With Enemies Like These [11.03]

 * Grace: PostMates, EasyEats, GrubHub… it's the lazy, hungry person's Renaissance.
 * Karen: Oh, Grace, you're a couch-toilet away from all your dreams coming true.


 * Karen: You know, Stanley always thought you never came around because you were a little sweet on me.
 * Danley: Me? Sweet on my brother’s wife? I was always the bigger man.
 * Karen: That’s not physically possible. And I think he was right.
 * Danley: You do look stunning, I'll give you that... like a statue by Bernini that some kids have drawn huge gazongas on.

The Chick or the Egg Donor [11.04]

 * Karen: There's so much I don't know about baseball. Like, is there a "base-boobs" or "-oral"?
 * Jack: It depends. Are we talking gay or straight bases? Because we're dealing with different equipment.


 * Will: Hi. I did bring you flowers, but I had to give them to the woman next door when I walked in on her. I was guessing which room you were in. I guessed wrong.
 * Grace: Every woman loves flowers.
 * Will: I don't think she'll like the card about dust bunnies in her uterus.

The Grief Panda [11.05]

 * Friday: She's hard on the outside, but inside Mrs. Walker is filled with candy and glitter, like a unicorn's colon.


 * Grace: I love how passionate you are about your team. I haven't seen you this excited about something since that Grey Goose truck crashed into that olive cart.
 * Karen: If it had been raining Vermouth, I would've believed in God.

Performance Anxiety [11.06]

 * Karen: So, you have an egg donor, but this other woman's going to carry your gay baby for nine months. How much is making God cry going to cost you?


 * Jack: Oh crap, Jerry Sussman's here. He used to be a catty audition accompanist, then he made it big, and now he's a big, huge pianist.
 * Grace: [smirks] Uh, what was that?
 * Jack: A big, huge, pian… OK, I just heard that, that's amazing!

What A Dump [11.07]

 * Jack: Oh, you are crafty. You brought me to a public place so I wouldn't make a scene.
 * Will: I brought you to a drag bar. I knew you'd make a scene, and I wanted you to blend in.


 * Estefan: Who would want Jack to grow up? Will, sit down. In Spain, we have a story about a boy who is forever young, he never grows up, and he wears tights.
 * Will: Yeah, it's Peter Pan.
 * Estefan: No, in our version this forever boy fights a pirate with a hook for a hand, and his best friend is a teeny, tiny fairy.
 * Will: That's Peter Pan.
 * Estefan: No, "Pedro" escapes to "Nunca Nunca Land"...
 * Will: That means he escapes to "Never Never Land". It's Peter Pan!
 * Estefan: You are wrong. Anyway, that is not the point. The point is, Jack should never grow up. He reminds us all what it feels like to be young.
 * Will: [sighs] I can't argue with you there.
 * Estefan: It's just like Pedro said, "Yo nunca quiero ser adulto".
 * Will: "I won't grow up"! It's Peter Pan!

Lies & Whispers [11.08]

 * Farhan: If I may ask, how old is your child, and how do they identify?
 * Will: Oh, well, no children yet. Grace's is due in April, mine in May, and my pronouns are "he" and "is terrified".


 * Grace: Thank you so much for seeing me again, Headmistress Hinderhagen.
 * Headmistress Hinderhagen: Of course.
 * Grace: I know how important diversity is to this school.
 * Headmistress Hinderhagen: It is. And your child would be diverse, how exactly?
 * Grace: I'm just gonna bottom-line it: I don't know who the father is. So, girl to girl, tell me what diversity you're looking for, because I've probably slept with it.

Bi-Plane [11.09]

 * Friday: I think you're having a panic attack. I get them all the time, like during a power outage, or when my mom sends her dogs after me. It's my fault - you shouldn't assume you're invited to Thanksgiving.


 * Karen: I can't die in coach! They'll find my body with the poors, all mixed in with the Tater Tots and the Crocs!

Of Mouse and Men [11.10]

 * Will: Karen, can you hear me? I just got in the locker room, and I gotta say, it's pretty cool. The bats and the balls and the cute, sweaty guys... throw in a bathtub full of poppers and a famous Scientologist, and it's every gay club in the 80s.


 * Grace: Oh, my God - you don't want a designer, you want my baby!
 * Marilyn: Well, maybe if you don't over-react, they'll want both.

Accidentally on Porpoise [11.11]

 * Jack: C'mon, I know just the place. Let's go.
 * Will: Fine. I can't wait to see what filthy, depraved hellhole you're taking me to.
 * Karen: As long as there's a drag queen calling out Bingo numbers, I'm happy.


 * Grace: I am so, so sorry.
 * James: No, I'm sorry. I got angry with you, but you were right, it was just an accident. So, I'm here to say... can we try again?
 * Grace: [aghast] What? Are you out of your mind? I slept with your son and your father, and you forgave me. I pooped your apartment to death, and you forgave me. But now I violated a porpoise, got you fired, and ended a species!
 * James: And I forgive you.
 * [she slaps him]
 * Grace: What is wrong with you?
 * James: I think I'm falling for you!
 * Grace: Well, raise your standards, man! I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I can't be with someone who has such terrible taste in women.

Filthy Phil Part I [11.12]

 * Phil: Will, this is for you. [hands him a bottle of wine] Karen told me you were a big, bold, complex guy - like this Cabernet.
 * Karen: Don't forget fruity and gives you a headache.
 * Phil: And Grace. [hands her a bouquet of flowers] Here's something beautiful and delicate, like yourself.
 * Karen: Don't forget slightly wilted and covered in bees.


 * Karen: Honey, thank God you called!
 * Grace: Karen, what's wrong?
 * Karen: I don't know where I am! It's so dark. I think I hear a seagull, and a foghorn...
 * Will: Karen, hang on!
 * Will: We're going to trace this call.
 * Karen: Ha-ha, busted! Leave a message! [phone message beeps]
 * Grace: I fell for that yesterday.

Filthy Phil, Part II [11.13]

 * Dexter Murphy: So, I'll get right to it, Mr. McFarland - how do you plan on keeping an iconic institution like CoCo's open without Coco?
 * Jack: Oh, they'll still come. I'm not changing anything. We're just under new management. The bar is transitioning - like half our patrons.
 * Dexter Murphy: [offended] Do you think people who are transitioning are funny?
 * Jack: Oh, God, no! They have no sense of humor!


 * Grace: Why would Phil go through all this? That's what I don't get.
 * Will: The money. They're always after the money.
 * Grace: Yeah, but he's so handsome, though. You'd think he could get money out of women without killing them. I mean, that body, after 40... I'd give him my debit card.

The Gift [11.14]

 * Jack: Once again, it's my mother's birthday, and I have no idea what to get her.
 * Grace: Just don't try to be cute. One year, I told my mother I was her gift, and she asked if I came with a receipt.
 * Jack: You thought that was cute?


 * Karen: I've gotta get my ring back. Stan gave it to me the night we bought our first election.

Broadway Boundaries [11.15]

 * Will: Good morning. Welcome to our gender reveal breakfast. It's a big moment. We are one prick away from finding out on of the most important...
 * Jack: Yeah, can we move this along? Lots to do today.
 * Will: Sorry, we are two pricks away from finding out.


 * Grace: Hello, this is Grace Adler. I'm a patient of Dr. Sapirstein's and I'm calling to find out the gender of my baby.
 * Nurse Sheila: Yeah, you're gonna wanna check between the legs. If it's an outie, it's a boy. If it's an innie, it's a girl. And if it's both, please take a picture and send it to me - I've always wanted to see one of those.
 * Grace: No, I'm pregnant.
 * Nurse Sheila: Okay, well then, you're a girl. Does that help?

We Love Lucy [11.16]

 * Will: I say this with love, but sometimes living with you is like being stuck in an episode of I Love Lucy.
 * Grace: Well yeah, because I'm the kooky redhead everyone loves, and you're the guy who overreacts to every little thing I do.
 * Will: If you're comparing me to Ricky, I'll take that as a compliment. He was always my favorite.
 * Grace: That's because you had a crush on him.


 * Grace: Look at me! I went as Lucy last year for Halloween.
 * Jack: So did I.
 * Will: Grace also attempted a "Slutty Lucy" in college that ended in tears.
 * Jack: So did I.

New Crib [11.17]

 * Jack: You know, Blattsville Creamery named a flavor of ice cream after Karen.
 * Will: Ooh, does it taste like gin, or blood?
 * Karen: Both. It's a swirl.

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 * [Will and Grace have decided to buy a house together]
 * Grace: Wait, wait - what if one of us meets someone?
 * Will: We'll figure that out. And then, y'know, I'll move in with him.
 * Grace: Why are you the one who meets someone?
 * Will: It's not me, it's society. I mean, you're a gassy woman over 40 with a kid. The odds aren't great.
 * Grace: This is Upstate New York - I'm, like, a 9 here! People don't even think I'm pregnant!

It's Time [11.18]

 * Jack: My dream of taking a bow on a Broadway stage is only a car accident, a death in the family, and a respiratory infection away from coming true!

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 * Will: [embracing Jack] There he is, our Broadway star!
 * Grace: Jack, you were awesome! And Karen, you and Stan - are you happy?
 * Karen: I am. There are a hundred reasons Stan and I shouldn't be together, and 7.3 billion reasons why we should.
 * Jack: Aww, I love love. C'mon, everybody, shift it. It's time to get to the cast party I'm hosting.
 * Grace: [suddenly serious] It's time.
 * Jack: Yeah, I just said that. Everyone has to bring a bag of chips, whatever they want to drink, an entrée, and a barbecue if you have one.
 * Grace: No - It's time.
 * Karen: Honey, I think our girl's getting ready to have her litter.
 * Will: You're sure?
 * Grace: Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah.
 * Will: Oh my God, I'm gonna be an uncle!
 * Jack: I'm gonna be an aunt!
 * Karen: I'm gonna be richer!
 * [the three of them embrace]
 * Grace: Hey, let me in. It's kinda my moment.
 * [they all embrace her]
 * Will: [to Jack and Karen] Okay, you guys get the elevator. [to Grace] Are you ready for this?
 * Grace: One hundred percent, no.
 * Will: You're gonna be great. We are gonna be great.