Wizards of Waverly Place (season 1)

21 Episodes by October 12, 2007 - August 31, 2008

Episode 1.Crazy 10 Minutes Sale

 * Justin: Edgebonoutoosis! [He clones the rabbit]
 * Jerry: Good! Thank you Justin! That is how you execute the duplication spell properly. Real rabbit, duplica... duplicate rabbit real rab.. It's... ANYWAYS, there's two now!
 * Max: What's the big deal? They're rabbits. Wait 5 minutes and they'll duplicate by themselves.


 * Gigi: Bonjour Alex. Bonjour Alex's friend.
 * Harper: Nice shoes!
 * [Alex gives Harper a look]
 * Harper: I mean.. Pfft! I don't care about you or your shoes!
 * Gigi: Yeah. I've had these shoes for about a week. Oh, I mean I'd give them to you, but I'm already donating them to :another charity.
 * Alex: No! You should keep them. They go well with your eyebrow.
 * Gigi: Well, at least I don't have man-hands. How do you get those meat-stubs through your sleeves?
 * Harper: And what happened to you two? Pick your noses so hard they fell off?
 * Gigi: They got nose jobs.
 * Gigi's Copycat Crew: When they heal, they'll look exactly like Gigi's!
 * Alex: [sarcasm] When's Gigi's gonna heal!?


 * Alex: So what you are saying is that getting back at Gigi was really hurting myself?
 * Jerry: No, but I like that better.
 * Alex: Well, since I figured that one out, I should pick my own punishment?
 * Jerry: No. Why don't you take my punishment, and duplicate it? You're grounded for 1 week.
 * Alex: Does that mean 2 weeks?!
 * Jerry: Oh, now it's four. I love this game!

Episode 2.First Kiss

 * Alex: You know a lot of stuff about stuff people don't care about, which is great. But I know relationships. I know how girls think!
 * Justin: So do I! They're right brained dominant and they have a slightly larger hyper-tholimus!
 * Alex: There you go again, knowing stuff people don't care about.


 * Justin: You may find this hard to believe, but...I've never kissed a girl before.
 * Alex: [smugly] I find it hard to believe that you think I'd find that hard to believe.


 * Alex: Alright, this is what we're gonna do. First of all, take out five dollars.


 * Alex: I need $5 dollars.
 * Alex: Second, tomorrow when you walk her to school, take her to by that old scary abandon house in the corner.
 * Justin: Right, cause she'll think I'm brave.
 * Alex: No, you'll get scared and she'll comfort you, and that's when you plant one on her.
 * Justin: Ok, that's a great idea.
 * Alex: Thanks, you have five ones for this five?
 * Justin: Umm... [takes out another 5 dollars]
 * Alex: Great, cause my five was lonely


 * Max: What's Deja Vu?
 * Jerry: It's when you feel like something happened before.
 * Alex: For example, dad you have five dollars?
 * Jerry: umm.. Why?
 * Alex: Cause I need five dollars.. Deja Vu, huh Justin?


 * Justin: So Alex, what was your first kiss like?
 * Alex: You know, it was in this place...with this guy...and it was very romantic. Over Christmas Vacation.
 * Max: We went to Grandma's over Christmas Vacation.
 * Justin: Wait a minute! You haven't kissed a guy yet! [smugly] I so have this over you now!
 * Alex: No you don't!
 * Justin: I know so when I go to school tomorrow and tell everyone you've never kissed anyone, no one'll care.


 * Alex: Hey Justin!
 * [Justin looks over at Alex. Alex grabs a random boy and kisses him.]
 * Alex: Now you've got nothing over me!

Episode 3.I Almost Drowned in a Chocolate Fountain

 * Justin: I'm gonna get even!
 * Alex: Hah-yeah. Okay. That'll never happen. Remember the time you wanted to get "even with me"? I got the bigger bedroom and you got what?
 * Justin: [he says embarrased] Shot-gun on that one trip to the outlet mall..
 * Alex: Exactly, some things never change!


 * Alex: Oh! Some chocolate! Oh wait, that's not a straw!


 * Max: We didn't play paintball!

[Theresa opens the curtains and the windows are covered with bright colored splotches]
 * Justin: ...What are pigeons eating now a'days?

Episode 4.New Employee

 * Gurt Barn Lady: [takes picture of Harper] [monotone voice] I know you've only been working here four hours, but congratulations. You're Employee of the Month. I almost won it 4 times, but I lost cause I take too many breaks. That reminds me. It's time for my break.




 * Alex and Harper: [Singing the Funky Hat Song] What's that? A hat? Crazy, funky, junky hat! Overslept? Hair unsightly? Trying to look like Keira Knightley? We've been there, we've done that! We see right through your funky hat!


 * Frankie: AAAHH! He's after me!!!

Episode 5.Disenchanted Evening

 * Justin: You don't know our dad. He'll throw a tantrum. And you'll know because it sounds like this. Wadigibadee hobadee ha! HA! ALEX!"


 * Jerry: Ooh! A catwalk! [Walks on it like a model]


 * T.J.: I'll show you a lair!
 * Max: [To Alex] Wow, you weren't kidding He really does do that.


 * Jerry: [Throwing a tantrum, the spell broken] It's! Gah! Mars! Who- !? ALEX!!?
 * Alex: Then again not so ridiculous!
 * Max: Not to mention she left me on Mars.

[Jerry and Teresa look both shocked and angry]
 * Alex: H-He's right, it's completely my fault.
 * Jerry: You are in SO MUCH trouble, young lady!
 * Alex: ...I know. (she hugs him, and he points his finger up speechlessly)


 * Alex: That's not magic.
 * Justin: How do you know I didn't forget my locker combination and then used magic to remember it?
 * Alex: Because you made up a locker combination song.
 * Alex (with Justin joining in): Right to clear it come on let's hear it! 23, left 8 digits, but don't fidget, 31. Now for the last, don't go too fast! 6 and you're off to class! WHOO!


 * Justin: Mom and Dad are charmed? WHAT?! HOW?! WHEN?! WHO?!
 * Alex: Mom and Dad.
 * Justin: WHAT?! HOW?! WHEN?!
 * Alex: At Dinner.
 * Justin: WHAT?! HOW?!
 * Alex: It was in the Kugel.
 * Justin: WHAT?!
 * Alex: Justin, I think you know what!

Episode 6.You Can't Always Get What You Carpet

 * Alex: Dad got all tensed and frustrated like how he acts when he's around you and your dolls.
 * Justin: [is scrubbing the teeth on his pig] Action-figures. Collectibles. In their original packaging.

Episode 7.Alex's Choice

 * Alex: No I got a D on the test. I'm pretty sure I'm right.


 * Alex: What happened to your faces? Applied your makeup with a hammer?
 * Gigi: [Laughs with her friends]


 * Harper: You didn't come for the tea. You came to protect me.
 * Alex: I'll always be there to protect you.


 * Alex: [Searches her spellbook] Truth spell. Truth spell. [Reads and casts the spell] Some are evil, some are kind, now all must speak their mind.


 * Alex: Oh, this is going better than I thought. Hey everybody! I'm a wizard!
 * Everyone: Huh!?
 * Alex: Just kidding!

Episode 8.Curb Your Dragon

 * Justin: C'mon guys, hurry! We've got to go check on Dragon!
 * Max: Why? If anyone messes with him, he'll just breathe fire.
 * Alex: (Annoyed) That's what we're worried about.
 * Max: What? I thought we just didn't want him to take leaks in the house.
 * Justin: Hey guys. Gotta go check on dragon.
 * Theresa: Wait, Justin.
 * Alex: What's going on?
 * Theresa: Those flyers you put up worked. Dragon's rightful owner came and picked him up.
 * Alex: His owner?
 * Theresa: I'm sorry, honey.


 * Frankie: You lost your found dog? Why don't you rest your head on Frankie's shoulder and tell him ALL about it?
 * Alex: I would, but I don't have time for you to get a ladder.


 * Frankie: The guy came out with the dog and bought this. A program for the Hudson Dog Show.
 * Alex: The Hudson Dog Show? When is it?
 * Frankie: Why dontcha buy a copy and find out?
 * Alex: I have to buy it?
 * Frankie: Would I come into your restaurant, lick a sandwich and leave? ZINGER! That'll be $8.00 please.
 * Alex: Ugh, okay.... ( reads the program) IT'S TODAY! I'd like to return this for a refund. ( takes money back) ZINGERR!

Episode 9.Movies

 * Theresa: Oh Maxy, promise you'll never grow up and leave me!
 * Max: But I'm supposed to be taking out the trash.
 * Theresa: Oh, no. Your daddy will take out the trash.

[Jerry gives her the WHAT look, and she gives him the DO IT look]
 * Max: Thank you, daddy.
 * Jerry: Save it.

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 * Jerry: Alex, lets give it a try. Now, lets say you havent eaten for days and You're in desperate need for a sandwich. What do you do?
 * Alex: I walk over to the sandwich shop and have Mom make me a sandwich.
 * Jerry: Okay, yes, but Mom's not here.
 * Justin: Wheres Mom?
 * Jerry: It's not important where she is, umm, she's gone, she left the country.
 * Justin: She left the country? Why, is she ok?
 * Jerry: Yes, she's fine.
 * Alex: Well if she's fine, I don't see why she can't make me a sandwich.

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 * Jerry: Here, I've already written one down for you, just read that and concentrate.
 * Max: Satisfy my empty belly, make me a peanut butter and jelly. [Max turns into a PBJ sandwich]
 * Jerry: You see what I just did there? I just illustrated the dangers of "Spell Improv". [Justin is about to eat Max] Ha-di-di-da! You have to use your words very carefully because in the Wizard World they take you literally. So, when Max said "Make me a peanut butter and jelly," they made him a peanut butter and jelly. [Justin begins to open Max and throws him back onto the couch] Yhoy!
 * Alex: Oh, I get it! Let me try it. Although I love such tasty snacks, I'd rather have my brother Max. [Max turns back into a human]
 * Justin: Hello!
 * Max: [To Justin] Hey, thanks for not eating me.
 * Jerry: Alex, you're a natural.
 * Alex: Thanks, that wasn't even true!

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 * Justin: I'm sensing you have a devious and poorly thought out plan to get into this Ruby Donahue movie. I'm gonna ask you to leave me out of it.
 * Alex: Gladly. [As they walk away from each other, Alex gets in an isolated space.] I'm old enough to hang with actress model spokeswoman Ruby Donahue, so get me into Night of the Halloween Sorority Party Disaster 2. [Alex is zapped away and is in an unvacant room with lots of pajama-clad teenagers]

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 * Alex: Is that Ruby Donahue over there?
 * Party Member: No, silly! That's Bambi, the sensitive one! Just stay in character and scream when it's your turn.
 * Alex: [Alex, confused, walks towards the screen and finds out she is in the actual Night of the Halloween Sorority Party Disaster 2 film] Oh, my goodness, I'm in the movie.
 * Party Member: And just in time, too! We're about to have a super fun Halloween pillow fight in our pajamas!
 * Alex: Aren't you a little old to be in a sorority?
 * Party Member: Aren't you a little young?
 * Alex: Fair enough. [grabs a pillow and begins smashing it over the guest while everybody does the same. Suddenly a phone rings, causing everybody to stop in fear] What's the matter? It just a phone...why did the music get all scary?
 * Justin: [plays arcade games and stops upon seeing his friends] Why are you guys out of the movie? It's not even over yet!
 * Friend #1: Justin, that movie is WAY too scary! There's somethings in life you cannot unsee!
 * Justin: Where's Alex? She said she'd catch up with you guys.
 * Friend #2: She never did. But weirdly enough, there's an actress in the movie that looked just like her.
 * Justin: Really?
 * Friend #2: Yeah, and she even sounded kinda like her, and she was wearing the exact same outfit as her. Weird, right?
 * Justin: [now understanding that Alex did a spell on herself to get in the movie, he begins making sarcastic answers] Yeah, that's weird. What'd you get on that deductive reasoning test?
 * Friend #2: 99%, why?
 * Justin: Now that's even weirder. Would you guys excuse me for a moment? [runs to the same isolated space Alex was in] Alex Russo has messed up and put herself in a movie. Put me also in that movie. [fails to get zapped] That didn't even sound like a spell. OK, what rhymes with "movie"? Boovy, juvy, loovy, PLANT! [realizes that "movie" and "plant" don't rhyme] Plant...this is going to take a while. [leans against the wall, looking for a spell that will work]

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 * Alex: Hey, you're Ruby Donahue!
 * Ruby: Who are you?
 * Alex: Alex.
 * Ruby: Are you the evil sorority sister who's come back from the grave to punish us for our cute but reckless destruction of perfectly good pillows?!?!
 * Alex: What? No! I'm just a kid, I don't even know what I'm doing in this movie.
 * Ruby: Me neither. This was all my agent's idea!
 * Alex: Oooh, there's that music again! Where's it coming from?
 * Ruby: This is the part where I run screaming into the showers for no reason at all.
 * Alex: Well, it was nice meetin' ya.
 * Ruby: You too!

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 * Justin: [finally getting inside the movie] ...in a groovy movie! little 1970s but it worked.

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 * Theresa: [after seeing two movie clerks talking about two new characters in Night of the Halloween Sorority Party Disaster 2] Miss, two tickets for that, uh, disaster...party--bingo!--Halloween thing, yeah.

Episode 11.Potion Commotion

 * Jerry: Ok Max, now that your full powers are here. its time for the hat.
 * Alex: Oh not the hat!
 * Max: What hat?
 * Alex: Dad that hats so ugly!
 * Max: What hat?!?!
 * Theresa: I cant believe my mijito is ready for the hat!
 * Max: Somebody tell me about the hat already!

Episode 12.Justin's Little Sister

 * Justin: Oh, so its like giving a burgler your money so he doen't steal it!

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 * Max: I know a Jeannie. Jeannie Kowalski. Jeannie's dont like it when you flick them in the ear. Thats lesson number one.
 * Jerry: No, lesson number one is leave that girl alone. Shes bigger than you.

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 * Alex: I fell asleep on table 5 one night, its pretty comfortable.

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 * Justin: What did you do!?

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 * Alex: Max, how would you get a genie to come back to her lamp?
 * Max: I know, orange soda.
 * Alex: What?
 * Max: If someone poured orange soda in my room i'd be really mad.
 * Theresa: You spilled orange soda in your room again didn't you? What did we say about taking it up there?
 * Max: See shes really mad and going to my room.

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 * Alex: Please believe me. You have to believe me. You can't let him be invisible forever; I grew up with him. You know he may dorky, and annoying, but he's fun, and gullible to pull pranks. He's my brother I need him back.

Episode 13.Wizard School, Part 1

 * Alex:(sees Justin in wizard's clothing) You know, you remind me of someone…Terry something? Umm…Barry something? Larry something? Oh, never mind.

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 * Jerry:WOULD IT HURT TO GET US A LITTLE TURKEY JERKY?!?

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 * Jerry:(Alex admits she used the portal key, stammering) AHH! THE...PORTAL...G...G...[SCREAMS]

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 * Theresa:Okay, and on the way we can pick up your new wizard's robes!
 * Justin:Oh, no, Mom. They do just black bathrobes now. Wizard's robes are too formal for these casual times.

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 * Door: [SINGSONGING] DUN-DUN-DUN...

Episode 14.Wizard School, Part 2

 * Justin: I'll see you in the finals, jerk.

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 * Hugh Normous: [during 12 ball semi-finals] He did it! He hit the tattler!

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 * Jerko Phoenix: Looks like it's just you, me and destiny.

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 * Jerry: Oh, I love porcini mushrooms.

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 * Salad Girl: That's what the hot dog guy in Washington Square Park said.

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 * Max: Get your Bronxstrami. Central Park sandwich. Right here at the Sub station!
 * Jerry: Hey, it's working.
 * Salad Girl: Salads make you perky. Sandwiches make you sleepy.
 * Max: Salads are un-American!!

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 * Dr Evilini: Did my messenger fish just tell you my evil plan?
 * Alex: No.
 * Messenger Fish: All right, this time pay attention, 'Dear Mamma, you'd be proud to know that after the twelve ball tournament reveals the best young wizard I will drain [Alex puts hand over the messenger fish's mouth]
 * Alex: Ok, maybe he did tell me.

Episode 15.The Supernatural

 * Alex: Oh, come on, she isn't that cute!
 * Justin: Yes, she is!
 * Alex: No, she isn't!
 * Justin: Uh huh.

Episode 16.Alex in the Middle

 * Alex: Wow. Dad is mad inside and out.


 * Kelbo: Okay, let's talk about it. (disappears with the kids)

Episode 17.Report Card

 * Jerry: Very good, Justin. Alex, you're up.
 * Alex: Oh, okay. This guinea pig is now not, a dove with wings shall fill its slot. [a brick appears] Oh! It's a pretty dove!
 * Jerry: No. Oh! It's a pretty brick. You weren't concentrating. Max, you're up.
 * Max: This guinea pig is now not, a dove with wings shall fill with snot. [dove sneezes] I said snot, didn't I?

<hr width="50%"/> [The Russo siblings are taking a spell exam and Justin got an answer on one question]
 * Justin: Got it.
 * Alex: Does he have to say, "Got it" after every question? It's throwing me off on my exam.
 * Max: [surprised] We're taking an exam?

<hr width="50%"/> ''[Prof. Crumbs has arrived at the Russo household to collect the Russo siblings' exams and grade them]''
 * Max: Why doesn't Dad just grade our papers?
 * Professor Crumbs: So that no one will get better grades just by batting their eyes and trying to look cute.
 * Alex : [batting her eyes and looking cute] Are you talking about me?
 * Justin: [mocking Alex's expression] Alex, you're doing it right now.

<hr width="50%"/> [Alex's parents have just seen her report card]
 * Jerry: Hey, what's that?
 * Alex: [hastily] Uh...

[takes out her wand]
 * Alex: These parents are now not...
 * Jerry: What're you doing?
 * Alex: ...two guinea pigs should fill their slot.

''[Jerry and Theresa are turned into guinea pigs. Alex is shocked]''
 * Alex: What did I just do? I panicked! I needed to buy myself more time.
 * Report Card: To do what?
 * Alex: To panic!

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 * Justin: I don't know why you guys even bothered taking that test. We all know that I'm the one that's gonna win the family wizard contest and keep my powers.
 * Jerry: That's not for a long while, Justin.
 * Alex: And what if they change the rules so only girls keep their powers? Oh, wait, you still might win.
 * Justin: Oh, Alex, you're so transparent. You know that I'm better than you at magic, so you have to lash out and make fun of me. And, you don't take any of this magic seriously.
 * Alex: I can't take *you* seriously. You use big words like "transparent". What are you, British?
 * Professor Crumbs: No, but I am.

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 * Alex: [Professor Crumbs, who was about to take Alex's powers, is turned into guinea pig] Don't look at me, I don't have my powers!
 * Jerry: [shocked] Justin?
 * Justin: ...I panicked!
 * Alex: This is my problem not yours. Don't let me drag you down.
 * Justin: But you don't drag me down. I don't want you to lose your powers. Everytime you mess up; I have to think of a way to fix it. You make me a better wizard.

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 * Report Card: Hey kid, I can tell you how to get rid of a bad report card.
 * Alex: Really? How?
 * Report Card: Get good grades.

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 * Alex: I hate you.
 * Justin: Hate you too. (they look at eachother for a bit, then hug)
 * Alex: ...And if it means that much to you, i'll sign your tortilla petition.

Episode 18.Credit Check

 * Alex: I quit. [Grabs Harper's arm] And we're going to the kitchen...[Everyone gasps] to eat...[more gasps] And we don't care who watches!

Episode 19.Alex's Spring Fling

 * Justin: [Talking on the phone] Mom, Dad, Can I be in charge? What if there was a tidal wave, THEN can I be in charge? YES!! [Hangs up phone and blows a whistle] Okay, I'm in charge.
 * Alex: [Throws a water balloon at Justin] Hey, look, a tidal wave, now you're in charge!
 * Justin: Alex, you just ruined my new clothes.
 * Alex: Justin, when you wear something for a week, it's not new anymore. It just needs a wash.
 * Max: [Throws a water balloon at Justin] Hey, look, I just washed it. You're welcome!

Episode 20.Quinceanera

Grandma: I talked to your mom. She thinks your dad could lose 5 more pounds too.

Richard (in Justin's body): What am I doing here? Candace (in Max's body): "I dunno. But like all the trouble spots I've been into all my life. I'm gonna dance my way out."

(Music plays and they start to dance)

Richard (in Justin's body): If you were 15 years older I would ask you out

Teresa (in Alex's body): Okay this just got really weird

(Now they do the swan)

Richard (in Justin's body): Leap into my arms, I got you baby.

Candace (in Max's body): Arms out, hold it girl, you're a swan.

Episode 21.Art Museum Piece
[Alex]blah blah blah [The scream] shhh !